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After Amy's trial was over and she knew she wasn't going to prison, Amy kept her faith. I have never seen anyone hold on so tenaciously to their new found faith as Amy did. She still made mistakes and sometimes triped over old habits. If she hit her thumb with hammer she would sometimes curse. But just a little later the pain that would come in her heart was greater than the physical pain.
She was concerned about these slides back into the old Amy and asked me for advice on how to deal with them. I gave her the formula that I follow when dealing with the wiles of Satan. I said,
"Amy, the Devil just sits and waits for you to mess up. And as soon as you do he will come to you and say,
'See, you try to live a Christian life and can't. Give it up girl, because "YOU" will never be able to live that life!'
I said to her, the first thing you do is agree with him. Confess that you can't live the life that Christ did. But tell him that Jesus is your Savior, and that you have someone that has lived that life and that it is the name of Jesus, not the name of Amy, that you want to lift up. Then ask him if this pathetic little attempt to seperate you from your God is the best he has to offer. Laugh at him and say, 'You must be getting desperate in your last days Old Boy if this is the best you can do. Are "YOU" the one who caused the Nations to tremble? Go away little man, you bother me."
Amy followed this formula untill the day she died. This is how I know that Amy's Spirit rest with God.
She set out to change her life, but it was clear to me that her life was already changed.
Amy started school in the hopes of becoming a teacher. She had finished a year and a half when we began to notice some problems. She began to gain weight that she had a hard time trying to lose. A litte later she began to aquire facial hair and even commented that she was growing a little mustache. Her blood pressure went up and she would suddenly become hot for no reason.
She went to a Doctor for these things and he gave her medication for her high blood pressure and other ailments. As her condition failed to improve she was given more and more medications until she was taking so many different things that we began to worry that the medications might harm her. Little did we know that the Doctor was only treating the symptoms and not the disease.
Over a period of time Amy's condition continued to worsen. She gained so much weight for a girl of her build that it was hard to believe. Her energy level plumeted, and she had to struggle through her days. Still, she remained in school studying to be a teacher and cared for her young family each day. Her prayer life remained strong and she insisted that our family pray together every night. Everyone thought that the ailments she was suffering from were due to the many medications she was taking. It was at this time that we, her family, fell in love with her all over again. It seemed that she blossemed under these pressures. Her faith, her courage and the grace with wich she carried herself increased daily.
There was a time when I looked to the Bible for examples of how to carry yourself in adversity. That is not required now. God has given me a living testimony of how to do these things.
Finally Amy went to the hospital and a Doctor saw her who recognized her symptons. She had Cushings Syndrone. This is a condition caused by the Adrenal gland releasing to many hormones for the body to absorb. This causes high blood pressure, excessive weight gain, bloated abdomen, a swollen rounded face with squenched eyes due to the swelling. But worse yet, it is usually caused by a tumor in the abdominal area around the adrenal gland.
Now, Amy would require a biopsy to determine if the tumor was cancerous or just a growth that could be easily removed. The Hospital in our home town was going to preform the biopsy right away but Amy's husband, Shad, decided he didn't like the fact that it took them so long to diagnos Amy's condition. He had her moved to the University of Arkansas Medical Science Center in Little Rock Ar. This move saved her life for at least another six weeks.
When she arrived at UAMS Hospital, the Doctors there discovered her potassium level was at a critical low and could cause her to have a heart attack at any time. They said that to perform a biopsy at that time could kill her. They had to first raise her potassium level. They did this and she was allowed to come home for a couple of days. The reason she was allowed to come home was that her condition was so rare that the Doctors had to research it and consult with other Hospitals and Doctors to learn how to best deal with it.
Finally, the Doctors were ready to biopsy Amy. Our hopes dashed when the biopsy came back with the worst possible results. It was Adrenal Carsinoma. Cancer of the Adrenal gland. But still there was hope. If they removed that Adrenal gland, and she took chemotheraphy treatments she could still be around for three to five more years or even longer. Our hopes soared because three to five years looked wonderful to us compared to losing her right away.
On the day of her operation we all told Amy that we loved her and that we would be waiting for her to come out of the recovery room after the operation. She told us not to worry and that everything would be alright. I watched as she was pushed down the hall in her hospital bed, talking all the way with the nurses. I got one last glimps of her face as they rounded the corner, and then she was gone. That image of her face will remain in my soul forever.
The operation on Amy lasted more than seven hours. There were three teams of Doctors. One team would do the opening and closing. Another would remove the tumor and the Adrenal gland and there was a liver specialist there in case the cancer had spread to her liver as is sometimes the case if it isn't caught soon enough.
In Amy's case the cancer had spread. The Doctors came out and told us the bad news and our hopes fell. Amy was functioning on only about 20% twenty percent of her liver. Her liver was bleeding everytime they touched it and it looked really bad. They had to pack her liver in material to stop the bleeding and close her up temporarily. They would have to go back in at another time and remove the packing and close her up permanantly.
But, they said, there is still hope. If the bleeding stops and then she responds well to chemo treatments, she could be with us for many more months. Our hopes soared. A few months with Amy to express to her our love in ways we hadn't expressed it before sounded wonderful. They will go back in tomorrow to see if the bleeding of Amy's liver has stoped. If it has they will close her up permanantly.
Today the Doctors opened Amy back up. The operation took about five hours. They have come back out with good news. Amy's liver has stopped bleeding and some of the swelling has gone down, so they have closed her up for good. I hear the talk again about chemotherapy treatments. She may be sick from these treatments so we need to be patient and understanding with her. No problem we say. They ask if we would like to go into the recovery room to see her. We jump at the chance.
She looks so pitiful lying there. She has a tube in her nose going to her lungs and another in her mouth going to her stomach. There are several tubes attached to a large needle which is inserted through her chest into her artery so medication can be administered. We speak to her and she opens her eys and sees us. We tell her to go back to sleep, everything is going to be alright. She smiles, even in the pain and discomfort she must be in and nods her head.
We get to go in to see Amy several times this way. We say, We love you and everything is ok. She smiles and nods. The Doctors tell us the outlook is hopeful and again I hear talk of chemotherapy after Amy's release from the hospital. We are so very excited over this turn of events. We all decide that Amy's mom and her brother Eddie will return to our hometown, 170 miles away, and go to work tomorrow. They have already missed a number of days and may need to miss more to relieve Amy's husband, Shad, and myself. Shad has been with Amy through this entire ordeal. Twenty eight days he has spent at the hospital with her. After so many days and nights spent in hospital waiting rooms and trying to sleep sitting up, we are all exhausted. Shad and I will remain here until Amy wakes up. We get a room close to the hospital so we can be near Amy. We call every hour to check on her until exhaustion takes it's toll and we fall asleep.
We are back at the hospital this morning. It is June 22 2001. So far Amy seems to be doing ok.
At 9:00 AM we go back to check on Amy. That is our first sign that something is wrong. The nurse assigned to monitor Amy tells us that Amy is very sick.
AT 10:20 AM we go back to see Amy and talk to the Doctor. We hear him say the word,"critical".
(From this point on we check on Amy every hour)
At 7:15 PM we are told the Doctor wants us to come back for a consultation. I don't like the sound of this. Still I try to remain positive. The Doctor says Amy is in critical condition. Her kidney and liver have failed and the situation doesn't look good. Looking for some ray of hope we ask, What should we do? Then he says the worst words I have ever heard.
"You had better call in the family."
Still hoping for a miracle I ask, "What are her chances?" He says, "I give her a thirty percent chance of making it through the night." He won't speculate on her chances of making it through tomorrow.
The Doctor then ask us, "How many times do you want us to attempt to revive her "when" her heart fails." This question nearly kills Shad and myself. We blurt out "We don't know", and stumble from the room. Once outside, by the elevator, we lose control of our emotions. We both break down and weep uncontrollably.
As we compose ourselves to some small degree, we realize we have to call the rest of the family. I called my son at his home. Once again I broke down as I explained Amy's condition. Eddie had gone home the day before with Maxine, my wife. When they left they were under the impression that Amy would be ok and would be coming home in a couple of weeks. And now, here I was telling him to hurry down because Amy was going to die.
He could not accept what I was saying. The news was such a shock to him that he broke down over the phone. Finally, I said, "We have to decide how many times we want them to attempt to revive her when her heart fails.
I told him she only had a 30% (thirty percent) chance of making it thru the night. He said, "Then we should revive her as many times as it takes. A thirty percent chance is a good one".
I explained that the thirty percent was only the chances she had of living through the night. I told him they gave her no chance of living through the next day. I asked him to wait until I had called his mom and sister so they could ride down with him when he came.
Now I had to call my wife. I dreaded giving her the news about our daughter. As I suspected she broke down crying and said she would go to Eddie's immediately. I begged her not to drive fast because I did not need the worry of my family in a car accident on the way to the hospital.
I now called Amanda, Amy's sister. I explained to her what was going on and tried not to breakdown so badly over the phone. She would have to leave her house and drive to Eddie's house and I worried about her. She said she would leave immediately and go to Eddie's.
It takes three hours to get from our home town to Little Rock, AR. It was a long wait for Shad and myself til they arrived. When we met, we all cried together at the hospital entrance. We went up to see Amy and everyone came to understand just how bad the situation really was.
We had been told that when Amy's heart failed the truama team would rush in and attempt to revive her. They explained to us that ribs could be broken and that the electric paddles would cause violent body contractions when they were applied. We thought about all these things and told them not to attempt to revive her. Her liver, kidneys and lungs had all failed at this point. The only reason her heart was still beating was because of the respirator giving her one hundred percent oxygen.
Then came the morning of Saturday, June 23rd 2001. Several times that morning we took turns going in to be with Amy.
By 9:30 AM we realized the end was near. All of her family were gathered around her bed and we all said our goodbyes. We told her once again how much we loved her and how much we would miss her. But, she could not hear us anymore.
A few minutes later the monitor stopped registering a heartbeat. The doctor who was there called for the time from the nurse. It was 9:52 AM June 23rd, 2001, Exactly 28 years and 22 days from the day of her birth.
We have been keeping a journal of all the things that has happened to Amy since she came to the hospital. My son Eddie makes the final entry.
9:52 AM 6-23-01 Amy feels no more pain.
We were all there and we all cried. A part of each of us died with her that day.
Amy was cremated according to her wishes. It is now sunday, June 24th, one day after Amy's death. Her Mom and I waited at the church until her ashes were brought to us. A little black box with all that remained of our daughter. We put her in the car and took her home, and here she shall remain until we die.